My definition of beauty at the age of 10 was shaped by the voices of these two.
I was in 5th grade, then. Mama and papa came home from Cebu and I remember waking up at dawn and seeing them in the kitchen sitting in front of each other and talking while playing the cassette they just bought. The first song I heard was sung by a girl with a strong foreign accent, and was of a different kind of music. A little weird at that time since it was around 1995, a year when children of all ages thought ‘Macarena’ was the best song ever created.
I have to admit; at first I didn’t appreciate the songs that much. They were so melancholy, sort of ponderous, and, I’d have to say, strange. It was easy for me to disregard them then because in school, it seemed no one knew of a song entitled ‘The Girl from Ipanema’ or ‘Dindi.’ Another thing, I remember the effort I gave just to not be ostracized. It was hard enough being a sissy that I had to be able to relate to the rest of my classmates’ interests. But then again, it was inevitable. I found out that I couldn’t fit in. No matter how funny my jokes and stunts were, and no matter how current my interests were; I was still an outsider.
As a result, I found comfort in sitting alone while appreciating nature. I most especially loved trees with their leaves dancing, I still do. I’m sure this scene has been put in writing and has been painted many times before but it was just different for me. Maybe it’s because I’d have to think and believe that this pair of eyes, I have, saw something in them that only someone suffering from the kind of pain I felt could only see. That feeling made me comfortable being alone. So, with a new-found love for solitude, I, one day, stayed home and played some music (which I have come to prefer over playing games with children in the neighborhood.) I found that cassette again, the one which had a picture of a girl who seemed afraid of the camera. I took it out of it’s case, inserted it to the player, and hit the ‘play’ button.
It was perfect, I thought. What better company in solitude than good, melancholy music. For you to know what I mean, I suggest you try sitting beside the window alone in the afternoon while watching the air outside making friends with the drizzle, then have Astrud’s ‘A Certain Sadness’ on the background. You have to be alone to fully appreciate it.
There’s a male voice in that cassette which I haven’t paid much attention to until after college. What happened was; my mama has long stopped buying her wants. She may have bought some cassette tapes from time to time but her work, family, and, according to her, her age seems to have sucked out her zest for her own interests. So, as soon I got out of the house and found a job, I did the rediscovering of Jazz Masters for her. With the internet and bootlegged cds sold on the sidewalk, it wasn’t hard putting a smile on mom’s face every time I got home. Imagine how happy she was when I brought home a copy of Astrud Gilberto on a cd with an American Flag print, sold for Php20 on a sidewalk. Mama and papa both smiled, with eyes all round in amazement.
They played the cd. We noticed the last track was different from the others. It was a Portuguese version of ‘Desafinado’ sung by a guy with a light voice, a beautiful one. Upon listening, I wondered why the sound of his voice was familiar. It did not take long for me to recognize that he was the same guy who sang the Portuguese parts in ‘The Girl from Ipanema’ and ‘Corcovado.’ I didn’t realize how much I loved that voice until it was left alone to do magic with the instruments that accompanied it. That voice was Joao Gilberto’s.
His cds are hard to find in the Philippines since he sings in Portuguese. I am still yet to find out if he ever released an album in English (does anyone of you here, know?)
Astrud and Joao, introduced me to the music called Bossa Nova (Brazilian Jazz,) a music genre which holds a very special place in my heart.
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Let me share a few of the many songs i love from these two:
From Astrud:
A Certain Sadness
Wanting Things
The Dreamer
Corcovado
From Joao:
Vivo Sonhando
Desafinado
So Danco Samba
